Like her labor, a woman's initial response to her baby is something she remembers for a lifetime. Women greet their babies in as many ways as there are mothers. Before they give birth, most women anticipate a rush of loving feelings, or even tears of joy. others anticipate instantly "feeling like a mother." Some women actually experience these things. Many do not.
Sometimes, a woman experiences a temporary holding back from the baby whose birth caused pain or emotional trauma. A new mother may have a feeling of distance-which in retrospect may seem like disinterest. Or she may feel a strong need to attend to herself, pain and exhaustion compete with interest in the baby. in retrospect, she may see herself as selfish. Coolness, distance, self-centeredness-none of these fit with any woman's conception of a "good mother." Because of this, many women say they feel guilty about their initial responses to their babies.
Many women speak of feeling outside of themselves after labor. It is as though one's personal boundaries are hazy. Is it any wonder that women feel they are not taking their babies in-"as they should?" They can hardly take themselves in! This is to be expected. Most women say it takes days to come back into themselves. This is the natural rhythm of things. Something amazing is going on. As boundaries are reclarified, they are also redefined. You are now a mother. Your baby is no longer one with you, as in pregnancy. But the new boundaries are extended, to connect you for a lifetime to this other person. This connection is the essential work of the first months of parenting. You may have all the loving feelings you anticipated, but if you do not, give them time to evolve, as you do the work of taking on your new role.
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